The Colbert Report/Episode/538
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert has been waiting his entire life awaiting en event ** son to sacrificial alter before God makes his move * New york Times fuill page ad ** 28 years (sharp turns in those words) * sun returns ** 6,000 years ago to collect $200 * only 3 ** prior to escaping ** prior to escaping Purim * Hebrew to gregorian iPhone ap ** 5769 is right now! * can only one thing ** Stephen will free his Jews (from The C-Desk) * one hasn't finished doing his taxes ** he still has his Asians * they walk out of The Eagle's Nest with staffs to souring music * to part the security guards * they didn't finish Dr. Colbert's pyramid ** Jimmy will ready the chariot to get after them SEGMENT2 * Where in the world is Matt Lauer ** lost Jews * Stephen was hoping this would be the year to lose him * Stephen will go on his own extravagant trip ** To the Persian gulf * fertile crescent ** * Pentagon won't let him know which country or when country * Where In The World And When In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf? * Adopt don't ask don't tell policy ** Stephen is bi-curious * somewhere in the eye slit of Stephen's burqa-covered ** Seven countries, where the US has troops * press your luck board ** no sunnis, no sunnis, no sunnis ... * is it Bahrain? ** may wear the Cher outfit ** HQ of 5th fleet ** make it unpleasant for pirates * 3.5x the size of D.C. ** 10 times more influence in Congress * King al-Kalifa ** women vote ** may gain right to leave the house * need to prepare ** Stephen has been weight training *** can press a stapler all the way down **** needs to warm up (abs were targeted) * always be wearing SPF 45 * hired a fleet of body doubles to confuse the enemy * when their shirts are off, it's hard to tell them apart ** Stephen will wear a big gold "S" on his chest Alpha Dog of the Week * if you ask a regular dog, what's on top of the ** a hot tub for all my bitches! * former Alaska Senator Ted Stevens ** swings so much Alaskan pipeline, he earmarked the bridge to nowhere * Stevens became head dog of the Ballditerod(sp) * Steven's two great loves ** fishing ** taking bribes * knows many words for snow job * the truth came out; Stevens was exonerated * Stevens could have squandered ** equated his experience with the very people * stirring words for seeking justice for others ** as long as those others are you Interview * Phil Bronstein * tube: BRONSTEIN AT LARGE * says the internets is killing newspaper ** leaving Stephen to line his bird cage with laptops * newspaper editor * he is applying for a job ** they aren't hiring right now, tough economy * Stephen read about the dying newspaper ** in a newspaper * like going to a bar and saying who wants to buy me a drink; I have herpes * variety of things killing newspaper ** Stephen may be one of them * Google isn't helping * AOL gets it's news from newspapers * editor of San Francisco Chronicle ** may hang in there * 10 years ago newspapers decided not to charge for online content ** Adam and Eve moment *** Eve may have been charging for something * newspapers are the only thing that supports rooms of journalists * niche market newspaper ** make special stories for certain people * farmers can go to the G20 * solution ** Napster didn't hurt music industry * gold rush industry * iTunes ** there may be a jail term for people who don't pay for their news * Center for Investigative Reporting * if newspapers hold the powerful to account through investigations ** if they go away; we may enter golden age of corruption *** Stephen might be able to make a buck out of it * handheld won't tell you if a local politician is a crook ** can get naked pictures from the political crook Epilogue * Dr. Colbert wants The Heroes to remember that you can save a tree, sign up for The Colbert Report's electronic edition ** far too many people still get the show on cable! Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image:WITWAWITISCGTBITPG?.jpg Image:Burqa-CoveredGlobe.jpg Image:StephenAndBodyDoubles.jpg Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments